Bengals Bulletin: Week 1 v. Baltimore

Hi Better League! Welcome to the start of an article series that I’ll almost certainly abandon partway through the season. Back in the M17/18 days we used to do written game recaps either mid-season or as an end-of-season long article, and I’m bringing that energy back for season 44. No ChatGPT here, just one washed user’s thoughts on his games.
WEEK 1: RAVENS 31, BENGALS 24
NOTABLE CINCY CONTIBUTORS
QB Elijah Ford (16/23, 274 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT)
Not the best statline of all time, but compared to that fuckhead Bradley Mu***** the Bengals certainly saw improved quarterback play from the Gator Great. After a rocky start including an overthrow on a wide open corner route to fellow rookie Bird (more on him in a bit!) Ford locked in for the final three quarters, leading multiple quality sustained drives down the field before ultimately killing Cincy’s chances on a INT on the goalline down 10. Moral victories are tough to take away in divisional losses, but coach Sanders XV liked what he saw from the rook in a hostile environment.
WR Javier Bird (5 REC, 102 YDS, 1 TD)
Coach Sanders loves utilizing his slot receivers, and the 24th overall pick from the most recent draft immediately gave this Bengals offense a jolt of energy. Bird showed a deep route tree and made veteran Baltimore DBs look silly, giving Ford an easy initial read in his first-ever NFL start. Bird won’t contend for the receiving title by any means, but he’s already established himself as a true threat for opposing defenses to contend with.
SS Daniel Thomas (2 T-A, 2 INT)
A total throwaway signing over the offseason, Thomas immediately made his argument for the starting role by picking Mahomes (omg) off twice, including getting up for a 50/50 ball in a way that belies his 5’10” stature. Thomas showed up in the biggest moments, picking Mahomes off two drives in a row during a stretch of the game where Baltimore was threatening to run away with it. The attributes are below-average, but the heart is unquestionably elite.
NOTABLE BALTIMORE CONTRIBUTORS
WR Julian Rhodes (8 REC, 85 YDS, 2 TD, 1 KR TD)
Easily the MVP of the game. Rhodes was a terror from quite literally the opening moments of the game, breaking multiple Bengals tackles en route to a season-opening 105 yd kick return touchdown. Other than a long 47-yd TD Rhodes didn’t exactly light up the stat sheet with YAC, but his receptions all seemed to come at the most backbreaking times possible for Cincy. I can recall at least three 3rd-down conversions that Rhodes was able to come down with, including a quick out route that had Coach Sanders fuming at his own lack of preparation. Return Man is a goated ability idc idc
LOLB Mykal Walker (4 T-A, 2 SCK)
Much like Daniel Thomas, Walker isn’t exactly someone that would strike fear into an opposing coach’s heart pregame. Despite that, Walker provided two sacks and multiple pressures (fuck EA for not keeping track of those), and essentially acted as the entire Baltimore pass rush. I, for one, can’t believe that my OL full of 70-ovr bums struggled to contain him.
Coach Bernie Sanders XV (crackhead)
Yeah. Taking no credit away from Tim whatsoever cause he played a near-perfect 2nd half, but that PA power O call out of goalline on 4th and inches on my own 30… a fireable offense. Up 14-10, about to get ball to start the 2nd, and you hand Tim a free 3 points during a time where he was struggling to move the ball. Smdh
Overall a disappointing loss, but we saw flashes from key rookie contributors and I generally moved the ball much better than I did most of last season despite a slow day from Kenneth Walker. Signs of life moving forward, for sure. Thanks for reading!